A colleague reached out to me last night asking for some advice. It was late and I almost went to bed without looking one more time at my e-mail but something told me I needed to. She was writing to tell me that her Godson Casey would be going to heaven today. It seems that the 11-week old boy had severe reflux and this last time they didn’t get to him soon enough. They live in Texas and apparently the law there requires that they keep him on life support – even against the parent’s wishes – for 24 hours. So, this morning Casey will leave us.
Getting this e-mail last night hit me on so many levels. It made me think of my own little boy Connor and the range of emotions I felt for months after he died. Whenever I speak with a grieving mom it takes me right back to that day twelve years ago when I lost my little baby. I always ask Connor for guidance in speaking with these moms and hope that I can offer some comfort and support. My heart goes out to my friend and Casey’s mom. There holidays will never be the same. I know from personal experience that the next few weeks and even months will be a blur for them and they will remember very little. Slowly, life will start again but it will never be the same. And when she least expects it years down the road, the scab will come off and she will feel that raw pain again of losing her baby – just like I am right now.
But it also reminded me of why I do what I do. I know I have no choice – it truly is my calling – to help other parents who are experiencing grief as I did. There are some days when it’s a struggle and I think that maybe I should find a “normal” job. But I realize that I would not be true to myself and I would be dishonoring Connor. So I’m starting out this day saying a prayer for my friend and her family and recommitting myself to being The Safety Mom.